Self Discovery

Why You’re People Pleasing and How to Overcome It (Real Talk)

Is saying no hard for you? As a recovering people pleaser, this is a hard one. How to stop being a people pleaser? In this post, we talk about signs you a people pleaser and tips on how to stop people pleasing. Let go of the need to people please so you can tune in your truths and build better relationships with your friends and family. Daring Living Blog #daringliving #peoplepleasing #personaldevelopment #personalgrowth #selfcare #relationships #emotionalwellness

As a recovering people-pleaser, this is a topic I can definitely relate to. The tendency to please others and make people like us is definitely real and extremely difficult. We really just want to be liked and feel like we belong.

In the long term, however, this kind of mindset can really affect our relationships… especially with ourselves. Constant people pleasing can leave us feeling exhausted and drained. By the time we finish prioritizing the needs of others, we don’t even have the time and energy to attend to ourselves anymore. 

Get ready for some real, hard truths, my friend. 

3 signs why you’re people-pleasing, and what you can do about them:

1.YOU FEEL LIKE YOU’RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH

Okay let’s all be honest. Deep down, we’re really doing the favors and saying yes to people so that others can like us. There is a need to constantly seek external validation and approval from others so that we can feel better about ourselves. We want people to like us, to value us, so that we can finally feel worthy and enough.

So with this belief I just want to say… screw that.

Many of us think that we need to do things for people and have results shown in our lives in order to be enough.

But friend, you don’t need to seek outside sources to be more “enough”

Because the moment you were born, you are already born worthy and enough.

Growing up, we experience things and were taught to chase things and make other people happy in order to be enough. As adults now, our job is to unlearn those things, and realize that at the very core, you already are.

You are living. You are breathing. It just is.

You don’t need to do anything and you’re already whole and enough. Journal on it. Meditate on it.  No one can make you feel not enough and inferior without your permission. 

> Related Post: What is Self-Worth and How to Measure It

Is saying no hard for you? As a recovering people pleaser, this is a hard one. How to stop being a people pleaser? In this post, we talk about signs you a people pleaser and tips on how to stop people pleasing. Let go of the need to people please so you can tune in your truths and build better relationships with your friends and family. Daring Living Blog #daringliving #peoplepleasing #personaldevelopment #personalgrowth #selfcare #relationships #emotionalwellness


2. YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND YOURSELF ENOUGH

Perhaps you’re actually not clear about what is important to you. You don’t know what your values are. As a result, you misinterpret other people’s requests and favors as your priority.

When you find yourself doing things for others and not for yourself, ask these questions to check in with yourself:

  • Is this my priority right now?
  • Is this activity actually important to me?
  • Will I regret doing this after?

Notice how you feel before the decision and after you made the decision. If you feel tired, rained, and more negative after the activity, then maybe you really should not have done that.

> Related Post: How to Set Your Priorities
> Related Post: How to Improve Your Self Awareness

3. YOU ACTUALLY WANT TO CONTROL HOW OTHER PEOPLE THINK ABOUT YOU

No matter how hard you try, you CANNOT control how people choose to think or feel about you. Period. 

Guess what? You can do the exact same things for two different people. But one person might think that you are a total sweetheart, and the other person will think you are just downright rude, depending on their own personal interpretations.

Other people’s thoughts and feelings are not your responsibility to take care of.

Your responsibility is to take care of your own thoughts, feelings, and actions. That’s it.

Rather than trying to use your actions and words to control how other people think and feel about you, what you can practice is to completely let this go. Let other people think and feel about you however they want. Just like how you are allowed think and behave however you want as well.

The more you can let go of the need to people please, the more you will feel so much freer to be yourself and be able to put yourself as the priority. It definitely takes courage to be willing to be disliked by others and be okay with that. But let me tell you, the other side of that is liberating. I never looked back.

If I can do it, you can too.

 

Rooting for you,

Daring Living Shir Signature #daringliving

 

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What’s Stopping You From Starting (and What to Do About It)

Why is it so hard to start working on your goals? Do you procrastinate and find excuses on starting? Dealing with fears, overcoming distractions, and handling indecisions are all part of the process. Learn how to actually begin. #daringliving #excuses #procrastination #personaldevelopment #goals #takeactions #personalgrowth

Are you someone who sets lots of goals, but you just can’t seem to start taking the actions?

Are you finding it hard to take actions to finally make that career transition, actually plan your solo traveling trip, start your fitness journey, or build a side hustle for yourself? If you’d like to listen instead, check out the podcast episode here.

Here are 3 reasons why you can’t take the actions to begin, and some practical tips on what you can do with it.

 

1.You Let Fears Hold You Back

This is where our ego likes to play tricks with us. Whenever we start thinking about anything that is unfamiliar, and start thinking about new possibilities that we’ve never done before, our ego is threatened, because we are entering a new territory that we did not have prior experience with.

Our brain will start giving us scenarios to try to talk us out of starting. This is when you will start feeling fear and anxiety coming up, which gives you even more reasons for you not to begin. Because you’re feeling very uncomfortable, it doesn’t feel “right” to feel this way. Therefore, this “goal” is probably not for you.

Some fears you might have during this time include the fear of other people’s judgement, fear of failure, fear of the unknown, or even fear of feeling any sort of uncomfortable emotions (anger, frustration, sadness, disappointment, etc.)

 

What your ego is simply doing is trying to protect you.

 

Since the caveman era, we needed to be alert and be aware of our situations to detect any signs of danger. That’s why our brain is programmed this way so we can function quickly to stay alive. But nowadays, in a first world country, you’re not really in a life or death situation too often.

It’s important to be aware of these ego-driven emotions and thoughts that you’re having. Because in reality, they are really not serving to move forward.

 

Action Step:

  • Name out the fear(s)
  • Evaluate them
  • Change your story about the fear

I wrote an article about how to deal with fear to help you dive deeper into the topic.

Why is it so hard to start working on your goals? Do you procrastinate and find excuses on starting? Dealing with fears, overcoming distractions, and handling indecisions are all part of the process. Learn how to actually begin. #daringliving #excuses #procrastination #personaldevelopment #goals #takeactions #personalgrowth

 

2. You Were Distracted

Yes, you know that this is totally possible. You have probably experienced this many times. Life happens and there are a lot of things going on all the time. You get distracted and you forgot to take action on the goal/ plan that you wanted to work towards.

You’re busy with work, social functions, friends, date nights with your partner, family time, side hobbies… etc. It can be a lot sometimes. 

Then it comes down to this question…

 

How important is this goal to you?

 

This thing you that you want to start… this side hustle, this journey to working on yourself, the career change, the solo trip… how important is it really to you?

We live in a society right now where advertisements, the internet, everything and everyone is asking for our attention literally all the time, 24/7.

It’s really important to identify your priorities and know what’s important to you and really create a system to check in with yourself and remind yourself to start and take consistent actions.

Because remember, no one will want you to achieve your dreams more than you do. Not even your partner, your mom, or your best friend. You need to be there for yourself. You need to make your dreams and your goals the priority.

 

Action Step:

  • Get clear about what’s important to you. Actually write it down in a notebook.
  • Create a way to remind yourself constantly about your priorities (ex. setting it as your wallpaper or screen display)
  • Find accountability. Take actions consistently and find someone (a friend or a coach) to check in with yourself consistently to make sure you’re on track.

> Related: Why You’re Not Achieving Your Goals

 

3. You Can’t Make Up Your Mind

 

Another reason that’s preventing us from taking action and starting is indecision. There are still some fear elements there. But with indecision, there is another reason, which is not being able to trust yourself enough.

This lack of trust can come from experience with indecision in the past, and this is a type of reaction that you are used to – dwelling in the unknown and being stuck there. Let’s be honest. You know that when you can’t decide, you don’t have to take the actions to actually commit to your decision.

Remember that indecision is also a decision. It is a decision to stay the same.

Trusting yourself is a practice. The more you can take actions and keep yourself accountable, the more you can trust yourself more overtime.

 

Action Step:

  • Practice making more conscious, faster decisions for yourself (it can start with little daily choices, such as what to eat for dinner)
  • Remember the power of choice. You always, always have a choice to choose how you want to think, feel, and act.
  • What is one decision you can make today to move closer toward your goal?

 

You are always one decision away from a completely different life. Dear friend, what is your decision today?

 

Rooting for you,

Daring Living Shir Signature #daringliving

 

 

 

 

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