Nowadays, going to therapy is becoming more mainstream. This is awesome, seeing how more and more people are starting to put more emphasis on taking care of their mental health.
Once in a while, I will have people asking what’s the difference between therapy and life coaching, and which service should they choose?
Are you feeling guilty for wanting more out of your life?
This could look like wanting more in a relationship (maybe you secretly desire a partner who is more exciting and fun) Or maybe you want more in your career (perhaps you actually don’t want to be in your current job anymore, but you have an understanding boss and great colleagues, so you feel guilty for leaving)
Or, the guilt could be because of your family. Perhaps you are stable career right now, but you’re not really doing what you love. Yet, you know your parents have sacrificed a lot in order for you to go to college and have a stable job.
Deep down, you kind of want more.
If this is how you feel, here are 4 key points to remember:
You might think it’s more responsible to feel guilty about wanting more in your life, but it’s not. Because the result of feeling guilty is that no party is better off. For you or for others.
When you feel guilty, you’re doing things out of feeling guilt. This does not create the best experience for you, or everyone that’s around you.
For example: Let’s say you work as a researcher in a lab. You graduated with a Bachelors in Science. And deep down, you really desire to create your own online business. You feel guilty because you have a good life, a loving family, yet you’re really just not satisfied with your job.
How this manifests in your life is you might not put in 100% at work, so you’re not serving the team and your company this way. Perhaps you also resent your parents a bit. Because you blame them for being the ones who made you study science in college in the first place. So as a result, you don’t show up fully to care and love them.
This guilt that you’re holding on to… is not beneficial for you, or for anyone around you. This emotion is only holding you back.
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It’s simply unnecessary to feel guilty for wanting more for your life. This life is yours. And if you’re not satisfied with it, you get to make that decision to change it and take actions from it.
The reason why you feel guilty is because you’re having thoughts such as: “ I shouldn’t be thinking this way.” “I should be grateful with what I have.” “I shouldn’t ask for more.”
And these thoughts are creating lots of guilt for you. So, just like any other emotions, you can decide to think differently about your situation to not be in guilt.
Own the fact that you actually want something different than what you have right now. Own that about you. There is nothing wrong with wanting more in your life.
Especially if you come from a culture where you’re constantly being told to be grateful, sometimes we can use the need to be grateful against ourselves.
For example, I am an immigrant from Taiwan. And growing up, my siblings and I were always told to be grateful with what we have. Not many people in Asia get to experience the kind of opportunity we can have access to in North America.
And, I truly feel so grateful and thankful for my family and all that my parents have done for their children. Yet, this can also create lots of pressure growing up. Because as children of immigrant families, we also feel responsible to achieve the dreams that our parents want for us… which often looks like being in a stable job, starting a family, and settling down.
I’m sure you can probably relate to some of this pressure and telling ourselves to just be grateful with what we have.
When we feel guilty or resentful, we make decisions trying to run away from our problems. Yet we all know that decisions made from that place do not necessary align with what’s really good for us.
Instead, this is what you do. You work on truly appreciating what you have right now. Appreciating your current relationship. Appreciating your current job. And be actually enjoying it as it is.
And then when you can get to the point of true appreciation, then you decide what to do next.
Reminder: just because you can appreciate, doesn’t mean you have to stay. No, no you don’t. You can still desire for more and want to leave, just because you want to.
You can appreciate your career. And decide that you want to explore a different path.
You can appreciate your partner and your relationship. And decide that it is complete and you want to move on.
And actually, when they are horribly wrong and you decide to change, you’re making decisions from fear and escaping it instead of facing the problem head on.
Now, this also depends on context, because let’s say you are in an abusive relationship or a racist/ sexist workplace, then maybe you do want to change. But I’m speaking to those who feel guilty because your life is actually pretty good.
In this case, you can still change and make the decision for yourself just because you want to. Stop settling for good enough when you truly want an extraordinary life.
First, you work on the guilt. Learn to let go of that.
Then, learn to truly appreciate all that you have.
And then, you decide what you want to do from an empowering place. (You can still leave, just because you want to)
Alright? You got this.
You’re creating an amazing life for yourself and I can’t wait for what’s to come for you.
xo,
Shir
Mindset and emotion work is so powerful to helping you appreciate where you are and let go of self-guilt, self-judgement, and shame. If you want more guidance on this work, I’d love to be your coach and support you throughout your journey.
Feel free to book a call with me to see how life coaching can take you to the next level to create an extraordinary life for yourself.
You can click the link here and book a discovery call with me.
We give GOALS a bad name.
For example, I used to be afraid of goals. I’ve always loved setting them… but the process to achieving a goal can sometimes leave me burnt out and exhausted. I thought I had to chase after a goal and hustle my way there. When I don’t achieve my goal, I’d be very very hard on myself.
Can you relate to this?
This way of setting goals and achieving goals… need to stop. It’s simply not helpful at all.
The reason why so many people are afraid of setting goals is because we make it mean something personally about ourselves when we don’t achieve a goal.
We think we have to achieve it or set a goal because that will make us somehow more “worthy” or “better” as a person.
But actually, you already are 100% worthy. And you just get to set a goal because you want to and because it’s fun. If it’s not fun for you, don’t set it. Seriously. Permission granted! You actually don’t have to set any goals!
Also… check in on your goals. Are they really your goals? Or are they goals that you believe other people/ the society expects you to have? If you create a goal out of obligation, you will not enjoy your process of achieving this goal. The path there will feel like a huge struggle.
Your goal serves as a direction, guide, and compass so you don’t get lost as you navigate through your every day. The goal inspires you, reminds you of who you want to be, and nourishes you along the journey. Your goal is a tool FOR you. You don’t have to “chase” after your goal. The image of that already feels so exhausting.
Also, a goal is not a ceiling or a benchmark. You can go way beyond your goal, or shortly below it. The process of achieving your goal offers progress and growth so you can become a different person as you work toward a goal. That’s why you set a goal, and that’s what you want to aim for.
Setting a goal creates an energetic container that generates momentum and action-focused steps. A goal creates an arena for you to play in.
Being in this container will bring up any hidden drama and fears you already have to the surface for you to work through them. So anticipate drama (aka brain freaking out) when time’s running out.
Now you can work through these obstacles. That’s the whole point.
And here’s the thing. Even if you don’t achieve a goal within an arbitrary timeframe set by you… it doesn’t have to mean anything bad about you at all. Because you always decide who you are. Not your goals.
Do you believe you’re someone who always make the things you want happen? Because if you believe so deeply about yourself, you’ll be more likely to learn so much from not having “achieved a goal” and continue to work on it until you do (because again, that is who you believe you are.)⠀
Your goal is your friend and partner in crime on this journey.
Don’t use your goal against yourself.
Lastly, I want you to remember this: the journey to achieving any goal does NOT have to feel exhausting and tiring.
It can be filled with so much fun, joy, less-hustle, and love.
Give yourself the permission to create that.
Rooting for you,
P.S. Want to take this Goals Work deeper and integrate it into your life? Life coaching can create a safe and loving container for you to do just that.
I will coach you on your brain, your behaviors, and help you navigate through any difficult emotions along the way.
I help people become leaders in their life and achieve the goals they truly desire… in a joyful, fun, and loving way.
I offer one free discovery call, you can schedule here.This free call alone could be your first transformation yet.
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