As a recovering people-pleaser, this is a topic I can definitely relate to. The tendency to please others and make people like us is definitely real and extremely difficult. We really just want to be liked and feel like we belong.
In the long term, however, this kind of mindset can really affect our relationships… especially with ourselves. Constant people pleasing can leave us feeling exhausted and drained. By the time we finish prioritizing the needs of others, we don’t even have the time and energy to attend to ourselves anymore.
Get ready for some real, hard truths, my friend.
3 signs why you’re people-pleasing, and what you can do about them:
1.YOU FEEL LIKE YOU’RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH
Okay let’s all be honest. Deep down, we’re really doing the favors and saying yes to people so that others can like us. There is a need to constantly seek external validation and approval from others so that we can feel better about ourselves. We want people to like us, to value us, so that we can finally feel worthy and enough.
So with this belief I just want to say… screw that.
Many of us think that we need to do things for people and have results shown in our lives in order to be enough.
But friend, you don’t need to seek outside sources to be more “enough”
Because the moment you were born, you are already born worthy and enough.
Growing up, we experience things and were taught to chase things and make other people happy in order to be enough. As adults now, our job is to unlearn those things, and realize that at the very core, you already are.
You are living. You are breathing. It just is.
You don’t need to do anything and you’re already whole and enough. Journal on it. Meditate on it. No one can make you feel not enough and inferior without your permission.
> Related Post: What is Self-Worth and How to Measure It
2. YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND YOURSELF ENOUGH
Perhaps you’re actually not clear about what is important to you. You don’t know what your values are. As a result, you misinterpret other people’s requests and favors as your priority.
When you find yourself doing things for others and not for yourself, ask these questions to check in with yourself:
Is this my priority right now?
Is this activity actually important to me?
Will I regret doing this after?
Notice how you feel before the decision and after you made the decision. If you feel tired, rained, and more negative after the activity, then maybe you really should not have done that.
> Related Post: How to Set Your Priorities
> Related Post: How to Improve Your Self Awareness
3. YOU ACTUALLY WANT TO CONTROL HOW OTHER PEOPLE THINK ABOUT YOU
No matter how hard you try, you CANNOT control how people choose to think or feel about you. Period.
Guess what? You can do the exact same things for two different people. But one person might think that you are a total sweetheart, and the other person will think you are just downright rude, depending on their own personal interpretations.
Other people’s thoughts and feelings are not your responsibility to take care of.
Your responsibility is to take care of your own thoughts, feelings, and actions. That’s it.
Rather than trying to use your actions and words to control how other people think and feel about you, what you can practice is to completely let this go. Let other people think and feel about you however they want. Just like how you are allowed think and behave however you want as well.
The more you can let go of the need to people please, the more you will feel so much freer to be yourself and be able to put yourself as the priority. It definitely takes courage to be willing to be disliked by others and be okay with that. But let me tell you, the other side of that is liberating. I never looked back.
If I can do it, you can too.
Rooting for you,