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Hi, I'm Shirley.
I'm a Certified Life Coach helping people become leaders in their life, while loving themselves and having fun along the way.
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Shirley | Cert Life Coach
Being strong and independent is amazing.⠀⠀⁠ Being strong and independent is amazing.⠀⠀⁠ I love it too.⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ ➡️And yet, I also know that this is the way I was taught to handle any type of life challenges growing up.⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ Whether it's going through a breakup, a life transition, seasons of anxiety, depression, grieving and loss, having mental meltdowns, feeling lost & stuck, and having my life feel like a giant hot mess...⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ I thought I had to go through them all on my own and struggle and suffer as I stumble in them.⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ Now, I can truly see that you don't get a badge of honor for doing things on your own.⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ (even though this is how a lot of us were taught growing up)⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ ➡️ What matters more is whether or not you have the outcome you want.⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ Ask yourself:⁠ 🔹 Do I have the relationship I want?⁠ 🔹 Do I feel good... about me?⁠ 🔹 Am I living the lifestyle/ routine I like?⁠ 🔹 Do I have the job/ career/ business that I enjoy?⁠ 🔹 Is there room for more growth?⁠ 🔹 What is it that I deeply desire to have that I don't have yet?⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ The more I want my life to be beyond just regular (and beyond what I've been used to), the more I realize that I need more support from other people to help me get there.⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ In fact, asking for help is what strong people do.⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ Because they know what they need and they're not afraid to ask for help to get what they want.⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ Also, don't get me wrong. Trying to figure things out on your own is awesome (I'm still a big fan)⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ But if it's not working for you, then it's okay to try out a different approach that WILL help you get to where you want to be in your life (ex. seek support from a coach/ guide/ mentor)⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ By allowing yourself to be supported and seen, THAT is where your work and next evolution lies.⁠ 🙏 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Love, Shir
Just because you haven't experienced big T trauma Just because you haven't experienced big T trauma (ex. serious life-threatening events, injury, sexual violence), doesn't mean you haven't had trauma.⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ In fact, almost all humans have experienced trauma in their life.⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ It's not about the scale of the event.⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ It's more about how deeply destressed your body/ nervous system responded to the event of what happened.⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ If you have a pattern/self-sabotaging cycle that seems to be repeating itself over and over again, then it could be because of trauma.⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ A trauma response can look like:⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ ➡️ You were left behind once when you were young, and you thought your Mom left you. So now you feel attached to your Mom's responses and panic whenever she's destressed fearing that she's going to leave.⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ ➡️ You were laughed at while introducing yourself one time. So now whenever you enter a new space, your mind goes blank and you don't know how to greet people.⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ ➡️ You trained really hard for a competition but didn't win. Your felt deeply ashamed about what happened. So now, you'd try things here and there but don't really give it your all.⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ ➡️ You witnessed your parents arguing and fighting a lot growing up. So now whenever there's a disagreement in your relationship, you'd panic and immediately apologize to avoid conflicts.⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ These experiences can happen to anyone. (even big T traumas too, honestly)⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ Let's normalize acknowledging our own traumas and letting that be okay.⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ The more I coach, the more I find that sometimes the work is about present/ future-focused cognitive thinking.⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ And other times, it's about exploring past experiences and doing the healing work on a BODY level.⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ 🔹Trauma cannot be healed through cognitive processing alone.⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ 🔹It has to be felt, experienced, and processed (in a safe, trauma-informed environment)⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ I can help you feel better now and move forward, while creating a trauma-informed environment to regulate your nervous system and do the healing work whenever needed.⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ Send me a message to work with me.
If you were to ask my client when we first started If you were to ask my client when we first started how she felt about her money situation,⁠ she would've said:⁠ - My money is running out every month⁠ - There's a lack of it for me to do the things I want to do⁠ - I'm trying very hard, but somehow it just feels like I can't figure out money⁠ - Accessing lots of money is for other people, not me⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ Now, she has a new way of approaching and thinking about her money.⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ She makes better choices about her money and has a better relationship with it.⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ She enjoys what she spends money on and is creating more of it coming her way every day.⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ I'd love to help you do the same. Send me a message and let's discuss how I can help you do that today.
When you don't need anything from your loved ones When you don't need anything from your loved ones in your life to make you feel good about yourself... you can love them just the same.⁠ ⁠⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ I help people truly build self-confidence & belief from within⁠ ⁠⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ ... in a way where they don't need to rely on others' opinions to show to themselves who they actually are.⁠ ⁠⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ When you can do that, your relationships around you will feel so much more open and at ease.⁠ ⁠⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ Join my Daring Living Coaching Program and work with me for 3 months or 6 months. Link in bio for more info.⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
I used to get frustrated when people tell me to "j I used to get frustrated when people tell me to "just think positively"⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ Like, don't you think I know that?!⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ Sounds easy for you to say.⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ And what does that even mean, anyway?⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ FYI, you definitely DON'T need to think positively all the time.⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ In fact, forcing yourself to "think positively" is just going to create more resistance to how you're actually thinking/ feeling in the moment,⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ Which will just end up making you feeling even MORE miserable than it already is.⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ 🧠Instead, I like to call it as building an effective mindset.⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ And this way of thinking is not JUST positive-negative-black-or-white-thinking.⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ It's about REALLY finding a specific thought that will be helpful for you to think about in that specific moment.⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ A thought that will help move you forward, make you feel calmer, more at ease, less miserable.⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠⠀⠀⁠ And knowing how to do that is like learning how to play the piano⁠,⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ It's a skill you learn, and get better at through practice.⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ It involves the deliberate step-by-step process of:⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠⠀⠀⁠ 1) looking at your current thoughts/ beliefs that's not creating the result you desire⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ 2) understanding them and dismantling them (sentence by sentence)⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ 3) creating more helpful ways of thinking on purpose that will actually help you have the result you do want. ⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ And that's it.⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ So please stop forcing yourself to "think positively" (cause that ain't gonna work)⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ or get confused that you don't know how to "change your mindset"⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ Effective thinking is a skill that anyone can learn and anyone's capable of doing.⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ It's truly not any more complicated than this.⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ This is how you do it.⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ P.S. any more questions about mindset work/ effective thinking? let me know in the comments or send me dm and I'll try to answer them!⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠
I'm not anyone special.⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ All I know is that I'm meant to be helping people succeed and achieve extraordinary goals.⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ And I'm constantly being called to live up to that mission as much as possible.⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ And sometimes along the way of helping people,⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ I end up judging myself and my actions,⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ I struggle with my own worthiness and what I'm capable of,⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ Other times, I let my ego in the way.⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ And over and over again, I come back to my anchor that always ground me, which is this mission to serve and help people.⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ That's it.⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ That's always what it comes back to.⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ Creating a space where people feel seen, safe, and supported.⁠ ⁠⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ A space that activates people and help them do the harder things, pick the unconventional paths, and make the weird/ irrational decisions...⁠ ⁠⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ knowing that it's EXACTLY what they're meant to be doing all along.⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ Because when they follow that, they feel at home.⁠ ⁠⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ To be a human on a path serving this mission.⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ This is the greatest honor of a lifetime.⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ And nothing can ever get better than this.⁠ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⁠ (throwback pic: 2020 summer in Taiwan)
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