Perhaps you are in the process right now and going through a life transition. Perhaps you’re changing your career direction, going back to school, starting a new business, working on your personal growth, going through a break up, or moving to a new city/ new country.
Going through the process — is a period that not a lot of people talk about. Because we all just want to hurry up and get to the other side.
Instead of experiencing the process, we want the result of it. Because the result feels good.
The result makes you feel like you’ve accomplished the goal and that you’ve done it. The process, on the other hand, is scary, difficult, and uncomfortable.
I get it. We all want the result. However, I want to argue that the process is actually so much more important.
Let me explain why:
1.True reward happens during the process and not the result
Very often in our lives, people just want to rush to have the result. We want the good grades, the dream job, being in a wonderful relationship, being successful, making lots of money, having a healthy fit body, living life on your own terms.
Yet, why doesn’t everyone have that?
Because not everyone is willing to go through that process.
In order for you to have the result that you want, you have to first go through the process to become the person who has that result.
This is the real process of change. This is what I call a transformation.
After going through the transformation, you will walk out feeling as if you have become the new person. You have to go through that process. It’s inevitable.
For example, if you want to build a strong intimate relationship, it requires conflict, negotiations, mutual understanding and communication. You will need to put your ego aside, actually listen to the other person, and do the work to make it happen. In other words, you have to be the loving partner first, in order for you to have a fostering relationship.
Likewise, if you want to be promoted in your job, you have to use the extra time after work hours to attend company events, learn new skills, and put yourself out there to be seen by the high level. In other words, you have to become the person who’s capable of being promoted first, in order for you to be promoted.
True reward comes during the process of change, it comes during the transformation. As you go through the process to become the new version of yourself, what you desire (the result) just comes to you naturally.
2.If you get the result right away without going through the process, it’ll be very hard for you to keep it.
Have you heard of stories of lottery winners who suddenly become millionaires overnight, but ended up losing all their wealth within the next few years? Why does that happen?
You see, these people have gotten the result. But they haven’t gone through the process to become the people who are capable of owning that much money. They don’t know how to handle this sudden wealth. As a result, that lead to anxiety, stress, overwhelm, and self-sabotage behaviors.
Do you see how going through the process is inevitable if you want the result? You have to first become the person who has the result.
A few years ago, I was feel lost and anxious about my future. I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life nor do I know how to take care of myself. If I was suddenly given this wonderful opportunity to work as a life coach then I would’ve completely freaked out.
I wouldn’t know how to care for my clients or run my own business. For the past few years, I had to go through the process of learning about myself, managing my thoughts and emotions, and building my coaching skills, in order to become the person who is a life coach. And naturally, my business and clients just happened naturally. But first, I had to go through the transformation.
3. The resistance you have is really just a feeling
I know that a lot of us feel resistant to go into the process of change because it’s uncomfortable, awkward, hard, and painful even.
We don’t want to experience that. Therefore, we choose to stay the same and stay stuck at where we are at.
But notice what we’re resisting is often just a feeling. It’s a negative feeling that we don’t want to experience. That is all.
So what if you can learn to experience negative emotions and go through the process anyways?
- What if you can feel rejected, and go through the conflict to fix the relationship?
- What if you can feel pain and be uncomfortable, and still finish your workout?
- What if you can feel scared and anxious, but still take the actions to figure out your life?
If you can practice having the ability to feel pain and negative emotions, my friend, you’re going to be unstoppable. You can achieve anything in your life.
Remember, going through the process is inevitable if you want true result to appear in your life. The process is where transformation happens. You need to first become the person who has the result. It can be difficult and painful, but if you can learn to feel negative emotions and take the actions anyway, you can achieve it.
This is the only way for you to create the life you want for yourself.
Rooting for you,
Shirley Huang is a Certified Life Coach, Podcast Host, and online educator. She provides weekly resources to help people become leaders in their life, while loving themselves and having fun a long the way. Check out her Life Coaching Programs here.